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Chris Woody

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You can call me hero....christopher hero Mar. 17th, 2004 @ 02:44 am
today i saved a cat! i rock! woo! i knew i loved pussy!

Would this advise help you become undepressed? Mar. 12th, 2004 @ 12:47 am
ya know what i think buddy...i think you should buy a bunny! theres nothing more chipper than a bunny! i know! i used to have one! and it was nice, and then it became anorexic and died but i think you get my point. keep that chin up! i said keep it up damnit! Cuz ur a man! and men have adams apples! is it adams apple? well forget about all this talk about adam! show the world that ur a man and you have (enter your name here) apples...thats on ur neck not in ur pants! keep it up buddy...again the chin not the....nevermind

and to the person i originally wrote this too, it was sincere to begin with, the retelling cheapens it but the message was the truth!

This is an EMERGENCY BROADCAST SIGNAL! Mar. 12th, 2004 @ 12:37 am
When I was a kid my cartoons always used to get interupted by the test of those damn emergency broadcast signals! Whats shitty is that we were all watching tv Sept 11 and I didnt see the signal! What kind of emergency are they waiting for!?! If they arent gonna use that damned signal then I want my 20 minutes of Ninja Turtles back!

Hmmm Mar. 12th, 2004 @ 12:35 am
If I got to hang out with anyone alive or dead...I would choose alive, cuz what good would it be if I were dead?

oh so funny! Feb. 22nd, 2004 @ 02:08 am
Steve Stifler: Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Steve Stifler: I gonna hang out with my wang out. and I'm gonna rock out with my cock out.

Jim's Dad: Michelle, do you know why they call it "making love"?
Michelle: No, I just call it boning.

Steve Stifler: Dick. 'Fucking hate not hating you.
Paul Finch: I did fuck your mom.
Paul Finch: Twice...
Steve Stifler: Hoo... That's better fucker.

Paul Finch: But, as they say, "We'll always have Paris."
Stifler's Mom: And the pool table.
Paul Finch: And the car.
Stifler's Mom: And the two-room suite I have upstairs.
Paul Finch: Come on you.
[pulling her to the staircase]

Steve Stifler: Hey, Finch, what's the capital of Thailand?
[Hits Finch in the groin]
Steve Stifler: Bang-cock.

[At the wedding]
Paul Finch: Grandmotherfucker.
Steve Stifler: Motherfucker.
Paul Finch: [smiling] Yes, I am.

Michelle: Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.

Jim's Dad: Son, step away from the animal...

Steve Stifler: If you'll excuse me, I have some shit to attend to.

Michelle: Oh Jim, you've got to stop masturbating. It's affecting your mind.

Michelle: So Finch, what will you do with your fancy NYU diploma?
Paul Finch: I'll frame it.

[Kevin and Finch are looking for Jim's grandmother]
Kevin Myers: Guys, what are you doing here?
John: The old bitch sucked, so we ditched her.

[After Stifler has sex with Jim's grandmother]
Kevin Myers: You're a hero.
Steve Stifler: Pussy is pussy.

Kevin Myers: [raising a glass to toast] Gentlemen, to the next step...
Jim: Oh will you stop with that 'next step' bullshit.
Paul Finch: Put down your glass.

Michelle: Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.

Stifler: My dick looks like a corn dog and I have cake on my balls

[to Stifler, after he has been 'caught with his pants down']
Jim's Grandmother: Focus.

[Jim and Michelle are discussing Stifler.]
Michelle: Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to bone Cadence.
Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the "fucks" and "shits" and "blow me's", there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.
Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain.

Stifler: It's on like Donkey Kong, beeyotch.

Jim: Honesty, now- Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
Jim's Dad: Why? Did she say something?
Jim: Hypothetically, Dad.
Jim's Dad: Oh, hypothetically. Well, I mean, you know, Jim, I'm a married man. I'm...
Jim: If-If-If you weren't married.
Jim's Dad: She's a college girl.
Jim: If you were a college guy.
Jim's Dad: In a heartbeat. Oh yeah.

Cadence: So, can I see the ring?
Steve Stifler: Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket.
Cadence: Okay, Frodo.

[Jim is nervous before his wedding]
Jim: Honestly, would you have passed up sex with Nadia?
Jim's Dad: Why? Has she said anything?

Steve Stifler: [about having sex with Candice] I'm gonna be like, "You like this shit Momma?" And then she'll be like, "Fuckin' right doggie. Suck on my nipples like, like you're milkin' a cow."

Steve Stifler: [chanting] Gonna hava sex witha Caadence

Steve Stifler: You hooked up with one other girl for what, ten seconds and you passed up sex with Nadia, fucking stupid. You're like a blind man picking out his favorite porno.

Steve Stifler: Its time to boom-boom with the bridesmaids
Other entries
» Do you have a crush on someone?
If you have a crush on someone and you wanna check out ur compatability, give this a shot!

» oh i love Real Genius!
Chris Knight: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races and we had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?

Professor Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?

Chris Knight: You didn't touch anything, did you?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for "toy.
Mitch: What is it?
Chris Knight: It's a penis stretcher. Do you want to try it?
Mitch: No.
Chris Knight: I'm just kidding. It's yet another in a long series of attempts to avoid responsibility.

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

[In the men's room.]
Jordan: Are you peeing?
Mitch: Uh, I can't start.
Jordan: Because I'm here?
Mitch: I think so.
Jordan: Weird. Well I have to go.
Mitch: Me too.

Dr. Meredith: A bit of advice...
Mitch: Oh, uh, thank you...
Dr. Meredith: Always... no, no... never... forget to check your references.
Mitch: Uh... ok... thank you. I'd better be going.
Dr. Meredith: [to his wife] I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?

Old Lady: Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.

Professor Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.

Mitch: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you were where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?

Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris Knight: Oh, really? Well, what about that time I found you naked with that bowl of Jell-O?
Kent: You did not!
Chris Knight: This is true.
Kent: Yeah, well it was hot and I was hungry!
(I only put this one in here cuz i like jello!)

Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him!
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Mitch: This is coherent light.
Mitch's dad: Oh, so it talks.

Chris Knight: You see Mitch, I used to be you. Lately I've been missing me so I asked Dr. Hathaway if I could room with me again and he said sure.

Major Carnagle: Where's the laser?
Professor Hathaway: It's coming.
Major Carnagle: It's coming? It's not even breathing hard.

Lazlo Hollyfeld: How did you do?
Chris Knight: I passed... then I failed!
Lazlo Hollyfeld: Then I'm happy... and sad for you.
» haha gieco!
dont say no bad words, cuz this aint no puppet show.
always use good manners when you eatin a sloppy joe-ho!
and on, and on, and on and on, PEACE!
» Late Night
Conan: this is true. Rapper, 50 cent, in canada is known as 75 cents!
» Its so very nice to see me!
then see me damnit!!! or just go here and see


be cool daddio
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